i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize