if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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