I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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