i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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