i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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