$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
