the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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