what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
