Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she peed on how many people?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
