I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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