I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
