we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
