At least make sure they are 18
Why
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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