Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
