4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
