I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
