You can't special order awesome
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
