I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
