Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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