Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
