so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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