If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize