I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize