My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
