First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize