So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
