Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
