What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You made out with two different species that night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
