THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
