oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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