I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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