Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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