Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
