he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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