I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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