so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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