I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
