Moan for me like Helen Keller
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All I want is dick and wine.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
