he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She just used a chaser for red wine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
