I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
