your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
