I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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