Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize