when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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