New invention idea: vibrating tampons
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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