You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
dude. I can hear the air.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
