New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
