He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
