peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
