It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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