I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
