six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
