we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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