The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
