Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
