I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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