If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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