yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
