But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
