watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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