i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
