My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
