Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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