Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
